The writer used to drink and dance and flirt just a little too intensely. This wasn't partying—she was self-anesthetizing from an unspeakable violation she is now starting to reckon with.
From a very young age, girls are taught that being skinny is a virtue and consuming “too much” is sinful. Will women ever be able to eat and drink without guilt?
The author’s lifelong fascination with death leads her to tour the L.A. coroner’s office soon after she nearly dies herself. And she discovers it’s not exactly as pristine as the ones on TV.
After this writer lost both her parents before they turned 60, her two-decade chain-smoking habit seemed less like a coping mechanism and more like a death wish.