Dear Julie: “I Found Out Via Instagram My Cross-Country Friend Is in Town!”

DAME’s Friendkeeper handles a sticky social media situation and tells an occasional stoner how to deal with her weed-mooching pals.

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Dear Julie,

I just found out via Instagram that one of my good friends who lives across the country is in my city. As I type! Did I know she was going to be in town? No. Has she reached out to me about getting together? No. I’m trying not to take it personally but I’d be lying if I said her “We out here” caption on her super-fun-looking New York excursion didn’t hurt a little bit. Now that I know she’s here, what should I do? Look like a stalker and reach out myself? Hold out and see if she gets in touch? Wait till she returns to California and then tell her how bummed I was? Ugh, sometimes I hate social media.  


Instagram Instigator


Dear II,

Yes, this is one of those times you wish Instagram had a You’re Hurting My Feelings filter. But I wouldn’t take it personally. It’s possible she didn’t know she was coming till late or that she is here for some specific reason and she doesn’t have a lot of time. Or maybe somebody bought her a trip and she doesn’t feel comfortable making plans with her own friends. I don’t know; what I do know is you shouldn’t pretend you don’t know she is here. I would comment on her picture, something like, “Hey you’re in my town—let me know if you have time to grab a coffee!!” That’s all, don’t turn it into a big drama and don’t sit on the feelings while there is still something that can be done about it. One of my good friends who lives in Denver … or someplace like that (Portland?), texted me the other day, “Guess where I am?” And sure enough she was in my town for 24 hours for a meeting. She asked me to meet her at some time I deemed inconvenient and I told her I’d catch her next time. You know why? I’m incredibly lazy, but also I need more than seven minutes notice to do stuff. Anywho, let her know you know and everyone be cool with it.

xx Julie


Dear Julie,

I don’t consider myself a stoner, but I do like to partake every now and again, which means I typically have weed on hand in one form or another. The problem is, my friends know this, and lately seem to always expect me to offer it up. Normally I don’t mind. But, seeing as I’m the only person in our social circle with a steady supply, I’m running through more weed than ever. And it’s not cheap. But it’s more the principle than the cost that’s bothering me. I get it, we’re all in our late 30s/early 40s, many of us have kids, so I understand that everyone has better things to do than find a dealer and hide their own stash, especially when we only smoke on occasion. But still. As adults, they should know to pitch in every now and again, or at least offer to help pay, right? How can I nicely ask my pals to stop bogarting my weed, man? 

Please help!

Chronic Sharing Problem


Dear CSP or can I call you Duuuuuuuuuuuude,

This is a funny one. I have to be honest here, I bought pot once in college in Washington Square Park from a guy called One-Eyed Mike, because he had only one eye (and I guess his name was Mike). It turned out to be a big chunk of someone’s front lawn. In other words, not the kind of grass I was hoping for. That was pretty much the end of my drug buying/taking career. And as I sit here reading your letter I realize I have no idea where people buy drugs, or how it all works. Could your dealer not sell to these other people? Also you say you have weed in one form or another—what are these other forms? Brownies? Nevermind, that has nothing to do with any of it. I’m going to pretend you’re talking about Klonopin, which is something I do have, but I have to get it from my “dealer” (Dr. Wilkie and CVS) and I only have a limited supply at a time, but my anxiety is unlimited. Okay, now I can answer. I would say two things. One, if someone asks, say you don’t have any, or you only have a little bit left but you’re happy to give them a glass of Chianti. Two, you could speak up: “Hey, I’m going through way too much weed and I’m not smoking that much. Either get your own or I will get you some, but I’m not comfortable being the supplier to our whole gang.” That is totally fair and may I say righteous? Also right on? And keep on truckin’!

xx Julie


Got a platonic problem of your own that could use the Friendkeeper’s advice? Fire away: [email protected]. No situation is too uncomfortable or too small and all details are kept confidential.


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