When sex with your long-term mate becomes robotic, the relationship-saving solution could be...a robot.
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Yes, yes, it’s important to plan for the future regarding money and career, but one area many women neglect is making the crucial decision of what, exactly, their position is on having sex with a robot.
Oh, quit your pshawing. We’re not talking about macking with Rosie from “The Jetsons” or doing…well, whatever it is one would do with R2D2, robot technology is way beyond that.
Great minds are already on already working on the perfection of robot/human lovin’ and robots are getting extremely realistic. Alarmingly so. Check out this robot from Japan (note: the woman on the left is a robot, though the dude on the right would be a fair guess, too.)
In one poll, 9 percent of people asked said they’d have sex with a robot. That’s 9 percent willing to admit such a thing to a nosy stranger—surely more would ‘fess up under different circumstances.
So it’s time to form a position on robot sex. Here are some factors to consider:
Why You SHOULD Schtup a Robot
—It’s safe. Researchers predict that robot-prostitutes will solve sex industry issues like human trafficking and STDs. On a personal level, this translates to no risk of disease and/or a guy from Match.com revealing himself to be psychotic.
—No emotional entanglements. When you’re done, robot lover goes back into the box. Or, maybe if you pay extra, it goes off to fold the laundry. AND put it away.
—They could serve as sexual aides. Sexbots could teach sexual techniques, relieve unwanted virginity and provide companions to the lonely.
—Social taboos may fade quickly. Twenty years ago vibrators were called “back massagers” and few people were talking about their primary “off-label” use. How is a robot sex toy so different than a vibrator? If anything, it’s just a really nice upgrade.
—The PANDORA factor. Think of the way Pandora always knows exactly what you want before you even want it. What if a sexbot could predict and meet your sexual needs just as accurately and delightfully? Rough and a little dangerous one night. Soulful and slow the next. And nothing when you’d just rather eat and read a book. Change up looks, personalities, shapes—could be interesting…
On the other hand…
Why You SHOULD NOT Schtup a Robot
—The technology is so not there yet. Pictured is Susie Software. “This is not a fake, the videos featured on our website are of an actual sex robot, NOT a woman in a unitard,” notes her website, quite unnecessarily. We can’t show you a similar photo of the male one, Harry Harddrive, because in every photo and video his gigantic member is sticking out alarmingly. Click over if you wish, but definitely NSFW.
—Harry and Susie are both available for RENT. Ewwwwwwww!
—They are not self-cleaning.
—Various and sundry thorny ethical issues to consider. Is robot sex cheating? Would it be possible to form an emotional attachment? What if a sexbot not only provided you with insanely good sex but stayed up all night with you having a brilliant conversation?
—The technology is SO not there, Part 2. “Many people were telling us it was like their dolls were “catatonic,” like they were injured and unable to speak and interact,” says Douglas Hines, of his state-of-the-art sexbot, Roxxxy. Now, thanks to his tinkering, Roxxxy appears to be less “catatonic” and more “prepared to acquire human genetic samples to take to hostile home planet.”
(Though she still looks pretty catatonic, actually…) Roxxy has five programmable personalities, a motor that makes her appear to breathe, and she talks in her sleep. She can hold a “conversation,” “look” at you with her dead, soulless eyes and will bang you senseless for 3 hours (at which time her battery runs out), never once mentioning the wretched fact that you have just spent the last 3 hours having sex with a household appliance.
—Sexbots are crazy expensive. Susie and Harry range from the just-lyin’-there version at $6000 to the remote-controlled, touch-activated model for $11,299. Rocky, the male counterpart to Roxxxy, is $6495, but they won’t even show a picture of him. This cannot be good.
—Robot could turn evil. According to practically every sci fi movie about robots ever made, this is a distinct possibility.
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