Why You Won’t Be Seeing Pretty Soldiers in Upcoming Army Promotions

Everyone thinks ugly women are more competent, says communications strategist who may unfortunately be right.

Leaked correspondence from an Army PR rep reveals an “ugly betty” initiative to showcase “average-looking” female recruits in promotional material. The thinking outlined in the missive is that ugly women appear perspicacious while good-looking women give the impression that they depended on those looks to get ahead. The communications strategist suggests, for example, that an Army ad featuring a pretty woman wearing makeup would make “people ask if breaking a nail is considered hazardous duty.” All zero women in the Army who have ever bitched about a broken nail backed this strategy, including no woman, who said, “Maybe now they’ll let me fly drones AND get a facial.” It’s a shame that the Army is addressing the complex matrix of feminine ideals this way, but it’s a bigger shame that the status quo’s close-minded perception of women is such a problem to begin with.

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