Art by Daiana Feuer

Lena Dunham

Art by Daiana Feuer

A Morning-After Kit for the Season Two Finale of ‘Girls’

This season was an uneven mishmash. Before the show permanently derails, DAME recommends these survival tips for Season Three.

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The second season of Girls ended last night and left some of us feeling confused, used and not sure where our panties went.

Was it good or not?

Are we satisfied or just ashamed?

Let’s break down what happened last night, and then we’ll unpack our morning-after kit so that we can redo our hair, put on a little lip gloss and slam some coffee before we take the F train back home.

First, the bad: As usual, entitled Marnie barely struggles before she gets exactly what she wants: a newly successful Charlie. And Jessa was simply gone, proving that the writers don’t know what to do with this dangerously-close-to-cliché character except give her a train-wreck marriage everyone knew would implode.

Now for the good: It’s sad to see crab-ass Ray go, but all the better for Shoshanna’s long-delayed wild girl phase. And finally, the last few minutes were torn straight out of the rom-com playbook with a little bit of the DSM IV manual thrown in for wicked kicks: Adam smashes his apartment in a rage before running off shirtless to save Hannah from her OCD meltdown. Maniacal counting and paranoid Google searches have never seemed so romantic! Despite appearances, this twisted fairytale won’t have a happy ending.

When a show plays this unevenly week after week, it’s veering close to jumping the shark. No one wants that to happen–someone needs to keep us informed on the sexual humiliations of Gen Y—so we’ve packed a morning-after kit for creator Lena Dunham. No judgment, LD, we just want you to protect yourself for Season Three:

Yes to real talk about sex and bodies, but it’s time to regain a little dignity.


Rough sex, awkward sex, mesh tank tops, urinary tract infections and countless ill-fitting jumpers take their toll on a viewer. Confine yourself to one semi-mortifying nude event every couple of shows or else Girls really will feel like this Onion headline.



Commit to every character.


Yes, Hannah is the neurotic sun that all the characters orbit, but that doesn’t mean their stories have to suffer. Jemima Kirke, who oozes sleepy charisma in her silky kimonos, needs more challenge. The actress was pregnant this season and probably unavailable at times but the blowout between Jessa and her banker husband of two months, for instance, was just one of her scenes that panned out predictably.


Don’t be afraid to torture Marnie.


Hannah bloodies her eardrum with a Q-Tip while suffering from an assault of OCD tics and the worst thing that happens to Marnie is that she sings a weird Kanye West cover at Charlie’s work party? The season tried to convince us that Marnie has it rough, what with her nowhere job as a hostess and her infatuation with jerk artist Booth Jonathan. But that’s just Life in Your Twenties, isn’t it?


It’s called ‘Girls’ for a reason.


Romantic relationships and their flameouts are the stock of one’s youth, but what about the bonds between these women? Revive the friendship between Marnie and Hannah–their repartee was honest, cutting and deeply missed. Also, more scenes with all the characters clashing or getting along will put the emphasis back on the ensemble. It can’t all be flings with Patrick Wilson, a handsome doctor with an even more beautiful apartment, surely a Brooklyn girl’s fantasy if there ever was one.


Anything else to add? If you have an extra hairbrush to lend Lena, by all means, throw it in the kit.

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