This I Know: Tura Satana

Being badass and feminine is a tough mix. Tura Satana not only pulls it off, she invented it. by Jennifer Nielsen


"If he does do a remake, only Lucy Lawless or Rose McGowan, maybe a couple of Japanese actresses could play my part," is Tura’s casting advice.  And she maintains she’ll be needed on set, "They’d need me there to show them how to be that angry and forceful.  They need someone who can promote forcefulness.  And the personality and power to dominate other women." 

With another deep breath I ask her how she feels about the rumor of porn star Tera Patrick in the mix for the role of Varla.  "She couldn’t handle it," she laughs.  "Doesn’t have the personality or talent to do it.  I saw her at Comicon once, she didn’t have the ability to make me move two feet."  Sorry, Tera – the real Varla does not approve.

Just as I suspected, Tura loves this movie and identifies with the role of Varla… intimately.  Watching it, you cringe at the fate met by those who cross Varla –  commonalities you’ll find in Tura’s life.  There are rumors that she exacted revenge on the five men who raped her when she was nine.  She neither confirms nor denies her supposed actions, which I think is code for 'you bet your ass they got theirs.'

She explores this time in her life in her upcoming autobiography, The Kick-Ass Life of Tura Satana, expected out in 2009.  "I talk about it in my book.  It was a tremendous violation.  I know it helps other women a lot, but by talking about it, it brings it back to me."

Despite the pain it causes her, Tura does not shy from speaking with women who’ve suffered a similar fate.  "I tell them… you get over it but it stays with you.  It inhabits your inner space.  You can learn to cope with it.  Once you can learn to cope with it, you can put it in the background.  I will not let it conquer me.  I get angry still."

She used this anger as part of her writing process, "I did 10 rough copies [of the book] before I really sat down and tried to finish it off.  That’s where I found a lot of the anger was still there.  I’d thought I’d washed it all away."

Seems like that’s a pretty big life, right?  She’s not done.  She’s quick to talk about her children, step-children and grandchildren and the fact she worked as an ER nurse and in a doctor’s office.  And as for settling into an average working life, think again. Tura didn’t just work in an ER, she was shot in an ER.

"ER’s are always on high alert – anything can walk in and does.  I was shot in the stomach while I worked in the [ER.]  A drug addict was looking for the doctor who turned him in and I was the next best thing.  It took me a month to recover and I told them they could take this job and keep it."

She also did a ballsy stint as a bodyguard.  As a personal protector of dignitaries from various countries, she got a lot of questions about her looks.  "They’d look at me and ask how I could protect them.  I’d say, 'You might be bigger than me, but I can handle you and everyone who comes at you.'" She also traveled the country with her charges – "I didn’t look bad in an evening gown.  I built their ego up – some would get too handsy but they’d realize [they’re] not getting anywhere with a women like me."
 
And indeed, there is no keeping Tura down. As part of her current tour, she is gracing Chicago with her presence.  She will be appearing at Tura! Tura! Tura!, presented by the Tattoo Factory Gallery on October 30.  This group art show features over 40 artists paying tribute to the 'stunning, sexy, kickasstastic Tura Satana.'  Tura’s been part of this event since its inception, "This tribute – so many artists – I haven’t seen anything that wasn’t absolutely stunning that’s been submitted for this show.  It shows the different phases of my career."

After 33 years, she’s excited to return to Chicago. So much so, she takes me on stroll down 'Tura’s memory lane' recalling her days at The Brass Ring and the Palmer House.  "At the Palmer House, I’d walk in, conversation would stop.  To be able to walk into a room and stop conversations... it always astounded me..."

"Women have controlled this world since their creation.  We make guys do what we want and the guys don’t even know it."  Spoken like a true Dame.  Tura, we adore you.

 

Click to the next page to see what else Tura knows and to see details on her Chicago appearance.

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