So When Are You Going To Find a Nice Man and Settle Down?

Spouseless, but not alone by Marla G. Vender


In truth, there is something wrong with anyone, male or female, willing to go through the public humiliation that is the script of The Bachelor, so they can get married.  The guy never looks bad.  The women, on the other hand…

Kate married her high school sweetheart when she was 20 years old, and they were divorced after 5 years. Now 38, Kate has been living with her partner for 8 years. She loves him and he loves her, and they are very content with their life together. "Everyone wants to know why Tom and I aren't married.  It's their own anxiety that makes them ask. Although it's irritating, it's not a big deal to me to point out that legalizing our bond doesn't make it more loving. And, if our bond dissolves, we don't have to file anything with anyone. Though I was young and childless when I divorced, it was not an experience I want to repeat."

Sharon concludes, “I took a good look at my life.  I was 30 years old, owned my own home, paid cash for a new car, had a good job, was self-sufficient (I built my deck!), and had good friends and a loving family.  I was healthy, rarely bored or lonely, and really had a great life.  I decided that if that was all there was for me, it was fine with me.  Would I like a loving companion?  Yes, but not if it meant sacrificing myself.”  That was the key for Sharon.  She stopped participating in the conversation about her marital status, and lived her life according to her pleasure.    

The complex conclusion is that the reasons women have for not being married are prismatic in their variety and they are personal.  The only person entitled to know the answer to the question, “Why aren’t you married?” is you.  Can you answer it for yourself?  Once done, it is the prerogative of a Dame whether or not to share that information.


Marla Vender is a Licensed Clinical Social Worker living the high life in Chicago.  When she's not busy healing children, adolescents and adults, you may spot her at a local park screaming at her 3 year old son to "stop hitting that baby!"

 

 

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