The DAME Bottom Line

The love doctor is in. DAME's ongoing relationship column will be answered by a rotating panel of hand-picked experts who promise to impart their wisdom no holds barred, no Dr. Phil style

By Chromeo
Published: Dec 01, 2007

chromeo

This month, Dave 1, aka David Macklovitch, aka one half of crooning, avant-garde-ish electro-thumping group Chromeo (that’s “Chrome” + “Romeo”) aka PhD from Columbia University/La Sorbonne in French Literature gives all you “Needy Girls” (check that song out from their 2004 debut She’s In Control and a new Reese's commercial making TV rounds) his straightforward and thoughtful advice, which he could also do en français but it’d still mean the same thing, just sound un petit peu prettier.

Dear DAME,

My husband and I were college sweethearts. Back when we met, he spent extra hours in the library and online doing research on start-ups and full of dreams about one day owning his own tech company. I was dazzled by his ambition and it became contagious. He used to constantly say “America is land of small business owners.” Today, nearly ten years later, I’m the one who started-up the business and though my husband is gainfully employed, his passion to succeed has seriously diminished. These days his mantra is more like “pass the remote, please.” I’ve already seen ambition (or lack of) ruin one friend’s marriage (both writers, she the one who actually finished her book and sold it) and I’m afraid we’re doomed too. I love my husband but his lack of passion and ambition for anything is killing me and our marriage. Is there anything I can do to get us back on the same professional path or I’m pulling deadweight?

Laura, 31, Seattle, WA

Dave says: So this girl’s husband is a bum basically. Well for one, married at 31, if you ask me, in this day in age, I think it’s a bit early. I feel like they’re married a little bit early so that might be part of the problem, but it could be part of the solution too because it’s still early in the game, so she needs to stress this, to set this dude straight, basically, it’s not gonna work until he gets his ambition back on, you know, get your act together, she should also, it’s kinda hard, you don’t wanna give him the “no-sex” boycott ‘cause then he might go and cheat. I mean listen, she has to make it clear that if this is not gonna be the guy, if this is not complying by her values and her way of being, you know he’s out and that’s it, still early you know?

DAME bottom line: Give him a “nurture,” then a nudge and then if he can’t get his act together, the boot.

Dear DAME,

I recently found out that my new boyfriend does coke regularly. I told him I’m not cool with that and he said he would stop for me, but it still makes me suspicious–especially since I haven’t known him for long. Advice please?

Lucinda, 26, New York City

Dave says: Get a new boyfriend, that’s it, goodbye. Every girl that’s in New York that’s got a boyfriend, first of all, they’ve only been seeing each other for two weeks, there’s a bunch of other dudes, you gotta make the “no-coke” pre-requisite. Like me for instance, if you’re a girl and you do coke? You can’t even be in the running, I’m not even gonna hook up with you, same as if you’re a Republican. Have you seen the episode of Larry David in Curb Your Enthusiasm where he goes into the girl’s room, and he sees a picture of George Bush? So basically Larry David is about to cheat on his wife with this actress who he thinks is really hot, and right when it’s happening, like, in her lodge, there’s a photo of George Bush, and you know that’s a deal breaker right there. Coke is a deal breaker if you’re not into that thing. I’m not into it. People have to be firm about their values; you don’t accommodate someone who does coke.

DAME bottom line: Doing coke is as bad as voting for Dubya. Check, please!