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Men in Reverse
How men work backwards in relationships
By Jeannie Long
Published: Dec 05, 2007
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Girl meets guy. Guy and girl date. Things start to get serious. Guy hits the road. Sound familiar?
When it comes to relationships, men and women aren’t starting out on a level playing field. In many cases of failed relationships, women are more cautious in the beginning, trying to play it safe until she knows how she really feels. Men are the ones barreling out of the gate, not thinking about a future relationship, but giving all the signs that there will be one. After about two and a half months, he knows she’s not the one and it’s over. Unfortunately, she’s let him into her heart.
Most women know within the first few weeks of dating a man whether or not she wants to move forward in a relationship with him. Apparently, guys know this too but their mechanism works in opposition to life’s forward momentum.
For women, it’s often important to establish trust before letting a guy into her heart—or her crammed BlackBerry. She’ll try to keep the pace slow, so she can really get to know him, even if it goes against everything her internal monologue is telling her—or her crammed BlackBerry. Once a woman feels comfortable and safe, she’ll often tell him how she really feels.
The only problem is that men work backwards in relationships. Women are busy analyzing and asking questions like, is he the one? Does he like me? Did I sleep with him too soon? While he’s thinking, how am I going to be the first to get the new iPhone?
“Most men are capable of experiencing a ‘connection’ with a woman through simple physical attraction,” says Christian Carter in his book, Catch Him & Keep Him. “In fact, in some men’s mind, the attraction IS the connection they have with the woman. But not many men are ready for the ‘emotional’ aspects of the ‘connection’ or a relationship that can follow.”
But Carter’s got a point:
Dating men is like popping a clutch. You have to hit the gas and release the clutch at the exact right time in order for the car to move forward. If you don’t, the car jerks and stalls.
Heather is a 34-year-old flight attendant living in Atlanta and is all too familiar with backwards men. She was introduced to Chris through a friend of a friend and they immediately hit it off. Cue TLC Voiceover: “I knew I liked him, but I wanted to take it slow just in case. I thought he was on the same page, so I followed his lead,” she said. “We always had a great time and soon started spending five nights a week together.”
They made plans for the future. She told her parents about him. But after two months, things started to change. They didn’t see each other as much. Work was busy or he “had” to hang out with his friends. The two-hour phone calls were eventually replaced by text messages. After not seeing or talking to him for five days, she finally asked the dreaded question: “What the [&^#*($^]’s going on?” He begrudgingly admitted that, while she was a great woman and he really liked her, he wasn’t really looking for a relationship.
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When it comes to relationships, men and women aren’t starting out on a level playing field. In many cases of failed relationships, women are more cautious in the beginning, trying to play it safe until she knows how she really feels. Men are the ones barreling out of the gate, not thinking about a future relationship, but giving all the signs that there will be one. After about two and a half months, he knows she’s not the one and it’s over. Unfortunately, she’s let him into her heart.
Most women know within the first few weeks of dating a man whether or not she wants to move forward in a relationship with him. Apparently, guys know this too but their mechanism works in opposition to life’s forward momentum.
For women, it’s often important to establish trust before letting a guy into her heart—or her crammed BlackBerry. She’ll try to keep the pace slow, so she can really get to know him, even if it goes against everything her internal monologue is telling her—or her crammed BlackBerry. Once a woman feels comfortable and safe, she’ll often tell him how she really feels.
The only problem is that men work backwards in relationships. Women are busy analyzing and asking questions like, is he the one? Does he like me? Did I sleep with him too soon? While he’s thinking, how am I going to be the first to get the new iPhone?
“Most men are capable of experiencing a ‘connection’ with a woman through simple physical attraction,” says Christian Carter in his book, Catch Him & Keep Him. “In fact, in some men’s mind, the attraction IS the connection they have with the woman. But not many men are ready for the ‘emotional’ aspects of the ‘connection’ or a relationship that can follow.”
But Carter’s got a point:
Dating men is like popping a clutch. You have to hit the gas and release the clutch at the exact right time in order for the car to move forward. If you don’t, the car jerks and stalls.
Heather is a 34-year-old flight attendant living in Atlanta and is all too familiar with backwards men. She was introduced to Chris through a friend of a friend and they immediately hit it off. Cue TLC Voiceover: “I knew I liked him, but I wanted to take it slow just in case. I thought he was on the same page, so I followed his lead,” she said. “We always had a great time and soon started spending five nights a week together.”
They made plans for the future. She told her parents about him. But after two months, things started to change. They didn’t see each other as much. Work was busy or he “had” to hang out with his friends. The two-hour phone calls were eventually replaced by text messages. After not seeing or talking to him for five days, she finally asked the dreaded question: “What the [&^#*($^]’s going on?” He begrudgingly admitted that, while she was a great woman and he really liked her, he wasn’t really looking for a relationship.
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