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© Universal Pictures
Don't Go Quietly Into That Certain Age
Blast that wrinkle and lift that sag
By Marla G. Vender
Published: Dec 01, 2007
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Aging gracefully is for fine leather riding boots, heirloom furniture, Old Masters, and marble statues. Things age gracefully. They develop a rich luster, a patina, craquelure – and they are all the more valued for it. Women, on the other hand, do not age gracefully without a little, or a lot, of help. Where is the grace in taking a quick look in the mirror at 10 pm on Wednesday to see nothing amiss but at 8 am on Thursday noticing, in the car of course, a thick white hair between your brows or jutting from the base of your throat? Grace doesn’t require tweezing on the freeway using a rearview mirror. When it comes to women, “aging gracefully” is either an oxymoron or code for “had some work done.”
When women get to be a certain age, they not only notice changes in their faces and bodies, but other people’s reactions to them. Have you ever felt invisible? If you don’t look like Demi Moore or Madonna, then you know what I’m talking about. I am an advocate of women using all of the tools available to them to soften the blows of time.
I encounter women as young as 27 mourning the loss of their smooth, unlined foreheads, bemoaning that they look like Shar Peis. I have had clients who, after a birthing a couple of children, feel so unattractive they avoid sex with their partners. One had a tummy tuck, and the other has had her first consult for laser-liposuction, and I am thrilled for them. We live in a day and age where youth and beauty seem to be more valued than personality, intellect and experience. Perhaps this is not a quantifiable fact, but I think we can all agree that it’s damn near close to one. Women are more powerful than they have ever been, and probably feel worse about themselves than ever before. Why? Reread the fourth sentence of this paragraph. Men are also becoming vulnerable to the ravages of time and are making use of cosmetic surgery, diet and exercise to keep themselves competitive in the game of life. There was a time when a man could be gray-haired, wrinkled and fat and still be desirable. These attributes were considered signs of affluence and prestige, as they had little effect on a man’s success in business or with the ladies. Actually, men still have it easier in all areas of life than women, but they are starting to feel the teeth of Father Time.
It’s a little disingenuous of 25 year-old actresses (or even 35 year-olds) to say they don’t want to become expressionless with Botox, and though they “never say never,” they don’t think they would do anything to alter their appearance. If they stop getting the glamorous roles, we’ll see how quickly “never” becomes “now.” Deep wrinkles in your forehead don’t make you a more believable actress, and they’re not cute. Put on a little Emla and let your dermatologist go to town with the syringe, and please, just shut up already.
I come from a family that has had more cosmetic procedures than the sisters Gabor and Joan Rivers combined, so I’m biased. The important difference between my family members, who have chosen to nip and tuck, and Joan Rivers, is that I can still recognize them. Of course, there is the need to distinguish between a healthy desire to improve one’s appearance and a pathological need to alter it radically. Cosmetic procedures should be used, if desired, as a means to improve or refresh. A need to alter, obliterate or distort one’s appearance is pathological. The absurdity of the number of procedures available was highlighted recently on a television show; a gorgeous young woman asks her lover if she should have her vagina rejuvenated, if it was too saggy from childbirth. Then she asks about her breasts. He looks upon her with tender pity, tells her she is perfect as is, and beats a hasty retreat.
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When women get to be a certain age, they not only notice changes in their faces and bodies, but other people’s reactions to them. Have you ever felt invisible? If you don’t look like Demi Moore or Madonna, then you know what I’m talking about. I am an advocate of women using all of the tools available to them to soften the blows of time.
I encounter women as young as 27 mourning the loss of their smooth, unlined foreheads, bemoaning that they look like Shar Peis. I have had clients who, after a birthing a couple of children, feel so unattractive they avoid sex with their partners. One had a tummy tuck, and the other has had her first consult for laser-liposuction, and I am thrilled for them. We live in a day and age where youth and beauty seem to be more valued than personality, intellect and experience. Perhaps this is not a quantifiable fact, but I think we can all agree that it’s damn near close to one. Women are more powerful than they have ever been, and probably feel worse about themselves than ever before. Why? Reread the fourth sentence of this paragraph. Men are also becoming vulnerable to the ravages of time and are making use of cosmetic surgery, diet and exercise to keep themselves competitive in the game of life. There was a time when a man could be gray-haired, wrinkled and fat and still be desirable. These attributes were considered signs of affluence and prestige, as they had little effect on a man’s success in business or with the ladies. Actually, men still have it easier in all areas of life than women, but they are starting to feel the teeth of Father Time.
It’s a little disingenuous of 25 year-old actresses (or even 35 year-olds) to say they don’t want to become expressionless with Botox, and though they “never say never,” they don’t think they would do anything to alter their appearance. If they stop getting the glamorous roles, we’ll see how quickly “never” becomes “now.” Deep wrinkles in your forehead don’t make you a more believable actress, and they’re not cute. Put on a little Emla and let your dermatologist go to town with the syringe, and please, just shut up already.
I come from a family that has had more cosmetic procedures than the sisters Gabor and Joan Rivers combined, so I’m biased. The important difference between my family members, who have chosen to nip and tuck, and Joan Rivers, is that I can still recognize them. Of course, there is the need to distinguish between a healthy desire to improve one’s appearance and a pathological need to alter it radically. Cosmetic procedures should be used, if desired, as a means to improve or refresh. A need to alter, obliterate or distort one’s appearance is pathological. The absurdity of the number of procedures available was highlighted recently on a television show; a gorgeous young woman asks her lover if she should have her vagina rejuvenated, if it was too saggy from childbirth. Then she asks about her breasts. He looks upon her with tender pity, tells her she is perfect as is, and beats a hasty retreat.
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