Will Dumpster Diving Go Chic?. The Future of...Freegans

Our comment on modern life by examining a phenomenon. Here's our prediction of the whirlwind's whirling development in the coming years. by Peter Gilstrap


As noted high-living enthusiast Imelda Marcos once remarked, "People say I'm extravagant because I want to be surrounded by beauty. But tell me, who wants to be surrounded by garbage?"

The Freegans, that's who. They rescue what others throw away - namely food -which gives them a lot to choose from; stores throw away 55 billion pounds of food a year, according to a CNN report.

So in light of the current economic crisis, we wonder will the trendy Hollywood types seek to save some cash by 'diving in' ?  Once the sexy face of Green turns brown, cutting edge show biz do-gooders seeking out the latest in cost cutting measures could well change the humble, tatty face of Dumpster dining.  

 

2009
It won't be what ultra-hip eatery were you seen at, but what ultra-hip eatery's Dumpster were you seen digging through? Desperate paparazzi stalk the fetid alleys, hoping to capture Paris rescuing a morsel of seared ahi from the Les Deux bin, or Posh and Becks weeding through the muck behind Maestro's in Beverly Hills for a barely nibbled slice of vanilla battered sole, or stoned, commandoed Britney guzzling the syrupy remnants of a cherry cola Big Gulp behind a WeHo 7-Eleven.


 

2010
Where there is fad there must be fashion. The Mizrahi form-fitting hazmat body suit is introduced, along with the sassy Jimmy Choo metallic python trash-picker stiletto, and the bold, worsted man-bib by Prada, all designed to compliment the sexy edge of the refuse runway.

 
 

 

 

 
2011
Scandals come to light: Brangelina order platefuls of Pan-Asian delights at Wolfgang Puck's Red Seven and don't touch them, thus guaranteeing the dishes remain pristine for their own optimum trash digging.

 

2012
Miffed homeless, denied their high-end garbage treats, fight back. Weakened from his mercury poisoning, Jeremy Piven's wig is knocked off during a tussle with a toothless wino over a chunk of creme brule. Said wino makes off with not only the dessert, but the hairpiece, wearing it proudly on top of his misshapen, dirt-caked afro. The Piv is captured by TMZ cameras weeping in a fetal position. 

 

 

 

 

2013

Le Scavenger opens up in a discreet ex-sewage treatment plant in the filthy-chic hood of lower East Hollywood offering fare taken from the Dumpsters of the toniest restaurants. Only a select coterie of the most high-level of filmdom superstars, underworld sophisticates, and environmental activist/pornographers will be catered to.

 

 

Peter Gilstrap has been looking to define trash for years. Despite prodigious digging, he has yet to find The Secret in a garbage can.

 

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