Finding the Goddess in all of us
Psychologist and author Cheryl Saban, Ph.D., is on the warrior-path--for women everywhere
What woman hasn't questioned her value, her contributions, her life. We all have and now there’s a new book coming your way that’s a must-have for you and your loved ones to help shift these kinds of negative thoughts.
Dr. Cheryl Saban's What is Your Self Worth is a transformative guide and "call to action" for women everywhere to examine how society perceives them, how they perceive themselves, and how women can adopt a positive mind-set. Dr. Saban, a psychologist, philanthropist, and family advocate, reveals the simple yet powerful truth about a woman's self-worth via painstaking research and by divulging her own personal life-challenges and triumphs--Saban was raped when she was 18; married for the first time at 20, a mother at 21, again at 23, and divorced for the first time at 25. She struggled with the concept of her own worth, and she brings that emotion and knowledge to the forefront in her work. After a second failed marriage, she eventually met and married Haim Saban, with whom she had two more children, and has been happily married to for 20 years. Here, DAME contributor Juliette Dominguez talks to Dr. Saban about what triggered her to write this book.
What made you realize you should be an advocate for women?
"I think it organically happened. I’m in a position in life now where I can call the shots, I'm in control, and I have blessings beyond my wildest imaginations--and I have to take responsibility for putting myself there. And I struggled with the concept of self-worth for the first thirty-odd years of my life. I'd had some difficult experiences in my life—such as being raped when I was 18--that contributed to my being insecure and having self-doubt. Each of these issues were exacerbated by how the police handled that rape inquiry; they made me feel as if I'd brought it upon myself. Despite that hurdle, I became a survivor long before I realized I had survived it, and I knew I had to keep going with one foot in front of the other. But the experience colored how I dealt with men for a long time, such as feeling like there was an imbalance of power, and I was fearful of being criticized by men, something I still battle with. I also had a series of dysfunctional relationships; I was in love with my first husband, who was the father of my two oldest daughters, but we were both young, and I didn't have a sense of who I was before I got married. So there wasn't this chance for me to develop my unique individuality and have a voice that was my own. I was just an adjunct player in somebody else's life. It took me a long time to get out of that role."
What was the turning point in your life?
"I suspect my turning point began in my early thirties. I had two little girls and the onus was on me to give them a different life; I didn't want them to replicate what had been going on for me. I had tried to protect them from the fighting between their father and me, and the ugly, intricate dance that goes on between two people who are no longer in love and are busy hurting each other. But children are very perceptive, and they feel it all. At some point I realized I can't have this kind of life for my kids. I hit a low-point. I was a single working mom existing paycheck to paycheck and unable to afford health insurance. I had a chronic illness and as it worsened, I had to seek help. The only option was a free clinic, and I felt humiliated that I had to do that—I was working and I didn’t want to have to take public assistance. I was really frustrated. Yet when I was seen by the doctors, they didn’t see me as worthless, even though that’s how I felt about myself. They treated me as a normal person and with respect, and that I was just as valuable and valued as anyone else. That was an 'Aha' moment for me, when I considered that maybe I was contributing to my own downfall by not being who I knew I could be and taking responsibility for my well-being and my happiness. After that, I started waking up with a smile and realizing that although I couldn’t change the facts in my life, I could change the way I thought about those facts. That change in perception and attitude started lifting me out of the darkness.
After your 'Aha' moment, did you realize what you wanted to pass onto your daughters and breaking the legacy of your own upbringing?
"Absolutely. And I don't blame my parents, I think each generation is doing the best they can with the tools they’ve got. Part of the message of my book is to teach our youth these life-lessons young, and not expect them to glean it automatically. I wanted my daughters to see that I was not only going to survive, I was going to be a powerful force in my own right no matter what place in the food chain I happened to be on. It's not dependent on having a lot of money or material things. It's really dependent on being happy in your own skin and enjoying yourself for who you are, and not having to constantly measure yourself by somebody else's guidelines. Self-worth is something I feel very strongly about, and I have the ability to make a significant difference in the lives of other women--and I am determined to do that. The most important thing a woman can do to improve her self-worth is to honestly accept herself; lovingly and without judgment of her body size or her financial situation. You are worth the effort. And when you can realize that, you can reach out to others."
What Is Your Self-Worth? A Woman’s Guide to Validation will be available May 1st 2009
For more information visit http://www.whatisyourselfworth.com.
You can also read an excerpt of Dr. Saban's book here
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