Chelsea, Finally

Comedian Chelsea Handler takes on Letterman, Leno, and O'Brien. Can she handle it? by Kate Torgovnick


Photography by ©Globe Photos

Another regular segment is Chelsea's version of "Would You Rather?". On tonight's episode, the theme is celebrity plastic surgery. "Would you rather get Tara Reid's boobs or Lisa Rinna's lips?" Chelsea asks a woman on the street, showing her a poster of both appalling options. "The good news with Lisa Rinna's lips is that you'd be a great trombone player. The bad news is that the only food you could eat would be soup."

Many television stars claim that they don't own a TV let alone watch their own show, but not Chelsea-she Tivos each episode and watches it in the morning. "You get so sick of yourself, but it's good to watch so you can learn. My mind's always going, 'Say something funny'. Sometimes I can see myself tuning out when I'm listening to someone."
Chelsea grew up in New Jersey, in a nice Jewish neighborhood where her family stood out like a sore thumb. "My parents were not on the up and up," she says. "All my friends had BMWs. My dad was a used car dealer, so our driveway was filled with used Hugos and Cadillacs that had like one tire. People would ask, 'Is this where they shoot Sanford and Son'"

Chelsea's family was also a religious mash-up, which probably didn't help in terms of fitting in. "My mom's Mormon and my dad's Jewish, but we were raised Jewish," she says. There have been many nicknames given to people who are half Jewish 'Pizza Bagel, Jewlatto' but the only term Chelsea has for a Mormon Jew is 'a hot mess.' "Mormons are ridiculous," she explains. "My mom wasn't religious when we were growing up, and then my brother passed away and she got religious again. We never believed her. We were like, 'Mom's going to church. Don't say anything when she gets back."

Chelsea is the youngest of six siblings, the Cindy Brady of the family. "It was a good place to be," she says. "I was totally spoiled. I was cute, so it was like, 'Let's bring Chelsea here.' I was going to parties at my sister's college when I was nine."

But growing up, her dream wasn't to be a comedian. "I thought I was going to be a model, but I don't like coke that much," she says. After a year of college, Chelsea packed up and drove to Los Angeles to make it as an actress. "I was a waitress, mostly," she explains. "I firmly believe everyone should have to wait tables for 6 months. People don't know how to talk to other people. You say 'please', 'thank you', and you look people in the eye. I hate nothing more than when a girl hands her boarding pass to the flight attendant and doesn't even look at her. Look at her and then continue. How else are you gonna get your drugs on"

Her first few years of auditioning in Los Angeles were rough.  "At that point, I just wanted to be famous. But the auditions weren't representative of me as a personality. I thought about stand-up but for years it scared me. I'd go to a comedy club and leave thinking, 'I can't go up there."

Once she figured it out, though, Chelsea was hooked. "Stand-up made me so happy. I realized I liked entertaining people and you can do that without having photographers chase you down the street."

Chelsea still doesn't consider herself famous. �I�m recognizable, but I'm in a good place now. I just don't like it when people stare and don�t say anything. Then I look at you and you look away. Just be normal, say 'hi'. I had a girl ask the other day, 'are you Chelsea Handler' I said, 'Uh-uh,' and she just walked away. I'm like, 'Don't you want to give me a compliment.'"

One of the compliments Chelsea has been receiving lately is props for being the first woman in late night television since Joan Rivers. "It's not like I'm not competing with Jay Leno," she says. "Those guys have been doing it for 30 years. This is a half hour show. It's fast, fun and kitschy. So there's no big late night war. Please. I was on Jay Leno last night promoting my show so, obviously, he's not that worried about it."

Besides, Chelsea reckons she won't be the only one for long. "Women will break into late night," she says. "I'm basically retarded, and if I can do it, anybody can."

 

 

Kate Torgovnick is Dame's editor-at-large. Prior to that, she was a writer/editor at Jane Magazine and her articles have also appeared in the New York Times, Newsweek and Page Six Magazine. Her first book, Cheer!, will hit bookstore shelves in March 2008.

 

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