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Bob Barr Bellies Up, Joins '08 Race

Get to know your fashionably four-eyed third party candidate

by Joe P. Hasler
Posted May 13th, 6:00am | News

What's a presidential election without a wild and crazy third party candidate? Though traditionally these fringe candidates stand a popsicle's chance in Tucson of winning the election, they always bring exciting new ideas to the campaign season. George Wallace hated black people. Ross Perot had famously over-sized ear lobes, and, most recently, Ralph Nader parlayed his bid for the presidency into a role as public enemy numero uno.

Enter Bob Barr, the ex-Republican representative from Georgia, who launched his third party campaign in earnest Monday. Here are a three things you should know about this year's spoiler candidate:

1) He has zero tolerance for warning labels on X-mas lights
The Barr campaign already has an extensive YouTube channel. In one video the Libertarian Party candidate recounts stringing over-regulated Christmas lights, then effortless segues into his plank regarding big government. "You stab it. You shoot it. You cut off its head. You put a stake through its heart. You burn it, and you scatter the ashes to the four corners of the earth."

2) Republicans fear him
Maybe it’s the suspiciously dandy eyewear that made some members of Barr’s former party quiver at news of his candidacy. Perhaps they’re just bitter because he bailed on them for a better party. Or  maybe they distrust him because of is cheese-eating collusion with Hollywood lefties in the Borat movie. Whatever it is, they’re scared.

3) He doesn’t stand a chance
As one politico told the L.A. Times, "Unless he commits a felony between now and November, no one will ever remember he ran for president." 

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