Future Of...Freegan

Dumpster diving goes chic

By Peter Gilstrap
Published: Dec 03, 2007

As noted high-living enthusiast Imelda Marcos once remarked, “People say I'm extravagant because I want to be surrounded by beauty. But tell me, who wants to be surrounded by garbage?”

The Freegans, that’s who. They rescue what others throw away—namely food—which gives them a lot to choose from; stores throw away 55 billion pounds of food a year, according to a CNN report.

But what will it mean when trendy Hollywood types get a whiff of this latest cause? Once the sexy face of Green turns brown, cutting edge show biz do-gooders seeking out the latest in bandwagons could well change the humble, tatty face of Dumpster dining.

2008
It won’t be what ultra-hip eatery were you seen at, but what ultra-hip eatery’s Dumpster were you seen digging through? Desperate paparazzi stalk the fetid alleys, hoping to capture Paris rescuing a morsel of seared ahi from the Les Deux bin, or Posh and Becks weeding through the muck behind Mastro’s in Beverly Hills for a barely nibbled slice of vanilla battered sole, or stoned, commandoed Britney guzzling the syrupy remnants of a cherry cola Big Gulp behind a WeHo 7-Eleven.

2009
Where there is fad there must be fashion. The Mizrahi form-fitting hazmat body suit is introduced, along with the sassy Jimmy Choo metallic python trash-picker stiletto, and the bold, worsted man-bib by Prada, all designed to compliment the sexy edge of the refuse runway.

2010
Scandals come to light: Brangelina order platefuls of Pan-Asian delights at Wolfgang Puck’s Red Seven and don’t touch them, thus guaranteeing the dishes remain pristine for their own optimum trash digging.

2011
Miffed homeless, denied their high-end garbage treats, fight back. Jeremy Piven’s wig is knocked off during a tussle with a toothless wino over a chunk of crème brule. Said wino makes off with not only the dessert, but the hairpiece, wearing it proudly on top of his misshapen, dirt-caked afro. The Piv is captured by TMZ cameras weeping in a fetal position.

2012
Le Scavenger opens up in a discreet ex-sewage treatment plant in the filthy-chic hood of lower East Hollywood offering fare taken from the Dumpsters of the toniest restaurants.Only a select coterie of the most high-level of filmdom superstars, underworld sophisticates, and environmental activist/pornographers will be catered to.

Peter Gilstrap has been looking to define trash for years. Despite prodigious digging, he has yet to find The Secret in a garbage can.

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