Future Of…Rosie O'Donnell

There’s room for a little cynicism and satire here and there, and even some soothsaying

By Sanjiv Bhattacharya
Published: Dec 01, 2007
Photography by Globe Photos

DAME presents a comment on modern life by examining a phenomenon—in this case, the whirlwind known as Rosie O'Donnell—and predicting the whirlwind's whirling development over the next five years..

trident

hasselbeck 2008

ABC replaces The View with The Feud, where Rosie O’Donnell and Elisabeth Hasselbeck duke it out Spartacus-style: Rosie with a shield and sword and Hasselback with a trident and a net. Joy Behar provides commentary while Barbara Walters releases the lions. Plus, simultaneous Playstation launch.

trump

2009

Donald Trump decides to delegate his feud with Rosie and reconfigures The Apprentice to select a suitable candidate. Will it be the street-smart entrepreneur who left school at 18 to start his own feuding business? Or the preppy Harvard-educated president of the Feuding Society? Ratings skyrocket.

billo

2010

Rosie launches the Feud Network by defeating Bill O’Reilly in a live arm-wrestle. O Reilly pleads exhaustion on account of his 4th year of "defending Christmas from Cindy Sheehan."

rug

2011

Rosie gets into it with her household furnishings, issuing a fiery press release accusing her living room rug of wearing a toupee. The rug (pictured) is not available for comment.

2012

Hits on Rosie's Feudcam soar as she begins yelling at her reflection in puddles.

Browse All Features >