Humans – Smarter than you think

Follow the Bouncing Ball

Baffled by world events?  Your job?  Basic words and concepts?  No matter how dumb you might think you are, don't worry -  you're still an absolute genius when it comes to watching things move. 

According to a breakthrough study, "Participants were asked to look at moving dots on a screen. Many of the dots moved randomly, but some moved in one clear direction. Researchers found that people very quickly realized which way the non-random dots were going." No wonder one of the researchers is a professor emeritus at Princeton. The article also notes that these researchers won the Nobel Prize in economics. 

With top economic thought like this coming out of our Ivy League institutions, how is it possible that we're in this current financial mess? 

Day-Long Orgasms?

Not as good as it sounds

We all love our sleep and would never wish to have things that keep us awake - like the dreaded restless leg syndrome (you know that feeling when you're just about to snooze off and your leg jerks) or overactive bladder (that's when you feel like an old man because you're getting up so many times during the night.)  But, a new study makes us secretly kind of want these things.  Why?  Because they may trigger orgasms.  In fact, women who report suffering from Persistent Sexual Arousal Syndrome (PSAS) say that in addition to restless legs and feeling like they have to pee all the time, they feel "unrelenting genital sensations" that can last for days.  Wait a sec... last for days?  We can get on board with the whole orgasm thing, obviously.  But having that "almost-there" feeling for days?  While at the grocery store? - "Yes, I have a c..c..couponnnnnn for that."  Or sitting in a boring meeting? -"No, no, I'm paying attention, I just had to squeeze my eyes (and thighs) closed for a sec."  On second thought, we'll pass and just go the old fashioned route - "Left, honey, left, I said."

New Website Announces Your PMS

PMS Buddy - nope, you're not our buddy

We came across a website today that is trying to be service-y but mainly just made us feel weird, oddly emotional and then really angry.  Appropriately, it’s called PMS Buddy – “The free online PMS reminder – Saving relationships one month at a time.”  Seriously.

Their “single goal” is to warn men when the women in their lives “are closing in on ‘that time of the month’ - when things can get intense for what may seem to be no reason at all.”  Oh, Jesus.  Our heads just popped off - hang on while we affix them back on our bodies.  Ok.  Then, the genius’ at PMS Buddy tell women that their site “is a great way to give people in your life a heads-up of when you might be feeling a bit irritable without having an awkward conversation.”  Um, thanks?  How about that the people around us just stop being insensitive assholes.  That’s a solution.

Moving along… there are two ways to sign up.  One - you can enter your cycle information and list people you’d like notified when you’re PMSing – they’ll get an email telling them to watch out, or something like that.  Two - you can ask to be notified when certain people you identify are PMSing, provided they are on the service – you can even have an email sent to them to ask them to join.  Can you imagine your boyfriend, or husband, or boss (yep, that’s a choice in their menu) getting an email (or for that matter, asking to be told) when you’re about to start your period.  Does that mean we’ll start getting emails when they have to scratch their balls?  Our inboxes would explode.

Ok, we’re getting riled up here.  A state that isn’t helped when we note a graphic on the homepage called "National Levels" with a colored speedometer heading toward a red zone.  It states:

Currently Tracking: 4,285 women
PMS Starting Today: 127
PMS Starting within 5 days: 623
Overall Threat Index (1-4): 2

Oh, Jesus... again.  Overall Threat Index?  Yeah, this is really funny, guys.  Painful cramping, uncontrollable bleeding, bloating, breast tenderness like you wouldn’t believe, clothes that don’t fit, skin that breaks out, hair that is suddenly dull.  Not to mention iron deficiencies, hormonal changes, and yes, some heightened emotions.  We’re not going to take the typical, “If men had to go through this” tact, but please.

And just when you think it couldn’t get weirder – they have gear.  You can buy a PMS Buddy mug, hat, t-shirt, sticker and of course, thong.  Oh, and a PMS Buddy “BBQ apron.”  Who are these people?

Hey Guys, Wish You Weren't Circumsized?

Break out the turtlenecks - not just for fall fashion anymore

We're starting see a trend around the DAME offices.  Last week we gave you a viagra pinky ring and this week we've come upon another 'no, really?!' product for men.
 
If you're tired of hearing men complain about the whole ‘European Hot, American Ugly’ thing, that they just can't compete with the foreign accents and you want to help them get, ahem, a leg up -  then run, don't walk and grab them the SenSlip.
 
The Viafin-Atlas site offers a range of fake foreskins that boast a dizzying array of features including:
 
 - "An affordable artificial foreskin which is washable and semi-disposable" - ok, but how eco-friendly is it?
 
 - "A program for reversing lack of sensitivity" – but will the program reverse other men's insensitivities, like forgetting anniversaries, insulting our mothers, not telling us our ass looks small?
 
- "An artificial foreskin which gives the appearance of an uncircumcised penis" – yeah, sure, just like the real thing. 
 
- "A feeling of warmth, security and self-esteem" - well, layers do always help with warmth.

Now of course, we expect a product like this couldn’t possibly come without safety warnings.  Um, there are only two. And they’re only on the ‘ladies page’:

- "The SenSlip is NOT to be used for penetration"

- "The SenSlip is not a sex toy, your man puts it on in the morning and takes it off at night, just like his shirt."– ok, now we’re just plain frightened. 

Not only is the SenSlip available in "caucasian pink" and "now in a mid-color brown," the site also has a handy sizing chart, which asks that "measurements be taken when the penis is flaccid."  Pretty sure that at the mere mention of this product, 'flaccid' won’t be a problem.
 
Oh, the "lengths" men will go to.  Hey, maybe it'll work better than the silly putty foreskin that Monica fashioned for Joey in Season 7 of Friends (skip ahead to :58 for the money shot, if you will.)
 

Dial-In Therapy

Run up your phone bill with your therapist

According to a Northwestern University study, patients are over five times more likely to stay in therapy for depression if they can conduct their sessions over the phone. Office visits can be time consuming and difficult to maintain, not to mention emotionally overwhelming. As a result, many patients abandon their treatment. With dial-in treatment however, it's a two-way street: the patient can call the doctor or the doctor can call the patient, thereby eliminating the excuses that so often precipitate canceled appointments.

There's a flip side, though. While this is excellent news for those who are infirm or otherwise can't travel to their appointment, it seems a bit counterproductive for those who are simply prone to avoidance. With so many modes of communication at our disposal, are we more reluctant than ever to face one another in person? And if isolation deepens depression, shouldn't we be encouraging patients to push through their emotional and scheduling constraints? By employing the phone, aren't doctors only indulging their patients' own emotional barriers?

As if texting, IM'ing, Facebook, Twitter, Linked-In and all the other ways we avoid actually seeing people weren't enough, here's one more example of how we're one step closer to the Orgasmatron [note to self: put Woody Allen's Sleeper on Netflix list as soon as possible.]

His Cheating Genes

Don't hate the player, hate his DNA

Seems lately we can't turn a page (or click a link) without some news story about cheating.  DAME has covered a couple of high profile zingers.  Scores of women were incensed by the book The Reeducation of the Female  - a book that implies that if women were to do chores in sexy outfits their men won't stray.  Feministing.com recently posted a link to a ridiculous video from youtube, where Cosmo Editor Kate White provides some gems for why men cheat such as "men love sex" and "they're not as discriminating". White opens the interview by answering the question of cheating with "it seems they're hardwired for it".

'Bullshit!' we screamed, but um, hold on a minute.

Now it seems, there may some truth to that statement,  it may be actually be in a man's DNA.  According to a study conducted by the Karolinska Institute in Stockholm there may be a link between a man's genes and whether he can keep it in them.  The Washington Post reported on Monday that men who carry a variant gene (the one that influences brain activity) may be more likely to cheat.

As if science isn't enough, there are also anecdotal reports on the subject of cheating, including Pamela Druckerman's Lust in Translation: The Rules of Infidelity from Tokyo to Tennessee. Amongst other insights such as people in warmer climates cheat more and people in wealthy countries tend to cheat less than those in poor countries, Druckerman also gives us an international look at men's excuses for cheating:

South Africa: It's better than taking a second or third wife.
United States: There is no love in my marriage.
France: I asked my wife to dress up and be sexy, but she wouldn't do it.
Japan: It's not adultery if I pay for sex!

Looks like there's a new one to add to the list

"But, honey, I'm genetically predisposed!"

The Road to Unhappiness

Will more men die smiling than women?

In yet another bit of evidence from the never sleeping minds in relationship science, we now learn that, while men and women are all at the same party, by the time the keg runs out, it’s the gals who are leaving bummed out. Which is an allegorical way of saying that women are going to end up less happy than men.

An upcoming report in the Journal of Happiness Studies (yes, it’s for real, though in this case shouldn’t it be Unhappiness Studies?) states that—though they start life off happier than the boys—females will be less able to achieve their goals, with 48 being the magic age when depression really kicks in. And as for the biggest goal, both sexes desire essentially the same thing in terms of love and family, though by age 34, more men are married than women and the divide is ever growing as the years move on.

“Of course, one doesn't have to be married to be happy, but if that's something you really want--and it is for most people--then the failure to attain it can have an impact on your overall happiness,” stated the University of Cambridge’s Professor Anke Plagnol, who worked on the study. Also, as men age, their earning power increases, and thus does their ability to buy all the expensive goodies that make them happy, things most women have no interest in. While it all may be a bit grim (thanks science!), there is one certain way to avoid unhappiness: stay away from studies like this.
 

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