"I'm twittering. Didn't you get my tweet? I twote all over the place."

The t-word must be stopped

Things we hate most about twitter?
1) The word "twitter" is somewhat icky. It sounds cheese-ily sexual—like some computer dork’s wet dream. Also, it’s prone to inappropriate conjugations.

2) The horrifying level of narcissism that it enables. Is this a pathetic attempt to feel important in the age of relentless celebrity gossip? Are we that desperate to feel like we matter? After all, someone out there MUST be interested in knowing—in real time—that your kid just puked or that you’re bored in a meeting or you just had the most delicious soy latte.

3) That it makes freaky, friendless weirdoes feel like they're suddenly super popular. No longer are you satisfied with merely being grateful someone has "added" you on their myspace or being notified of "news" from your facebook pals. We now don't even care if the cyberspace knows who we are and/or gives a shit as long as maybe, just maybe, someone is out there.

4) Witness the madness:

Oh yeah,  by the way, you can follow us at twitter.com/damemagazine.  You never know what kind of latte we may be having.
 

Need to get pump-tacular?

guidofistpump shows you how

Apparently there's more to talk about in New Jersey than just scandalous Assemblyman and online drawings for Springsteen tix.
In the time honored tradition of bringing you sites like hotchickswithdouchebags and rockandrollconfdential, we'd like to introduce you to latest "in sites from guys you'd never date", guidowithfistpump.com.

While there's been some debate in the past about the real provenance of the fist pump, Long Island vs. New Jersey,  guidofistpump is dedicated to the "only form of dance accepted on the jersey shore" which is, um, the fist pump. And ,in case you're planning a trip down the shore, but are worried about having the right moves, the site is kind enough to include a 3-step lesson... with step 3 being "repeat."

guidofistpump has lots of videos of guidos, you guessed it, fist pumping. And then there are the photos of guidettes, who apparently "the world over are already going nuts over the jersey shore dancing"

Right, we're sure there are hordes of Parisian guidettes running for their passports.

A "Model" Robot?

You May Be 95 Lbs., Robot Lady, But You've Got Wicked Man-Hands

Our pals at disgrasian let us know today that Japanese researchers unveiled the HRP-4C robot Monday, at the National Institute of Advanced Industrial Science and Technology outside Tokyo. Her creators, who have intended the robot to be used for entertainment purposes, said that her look is manga-inspired.
    "If we had made the robot too similar to a real human, it would have been uncanny," said one of the inventors, humanoid research leader Shuji Kajita.

And by "uncanny," we're guessing they mean "pervy" and "ewww."


One thing that's realistic about the HRP-4C, who will walk in a fashion show later this month, is her weight. She tips the scales at 95 lbs., which is apparently the average weight of a Japanese woman.

Needless to say, we already HATE the skinny bitch. 

Clo-Fu For You!

Have a bite of the world’s most eligible bachelor—or not

George Clooney is, like, totally yum. While we may have entertained certain Dr. Ross fantasies in the past, ingesting his sweat is definitely NOT one of them. 

PETA is counting on us getting over that gross little detail. They’re hoping the grey-haired hunk will let them use his sweat (acquired via a gym towel) to create a line of tofu that will be flavored like the actor/activist. Named “CloFu,” of course.

The animal rights group has done some strange things in the past (ex: veggie porn ad).  This particular stunt, however, may be evidence that they’ve gone completely batshit crazy. Aside from the multitude of creepy issues that ingesting the secretions of another human beings brings up, what exactly would George-flavored tofu taste like? Serious yet funny? Handsome without being pretty? Salty but with a hint of his B.O.?

Gag me with a spoon.  No one is that hot.
 

Must Have Alexander Wang!

Everyone could use a little lift, at least when it comes to height

Alexander Wang takes over the world, one foot at a time. His cult-like following has something new to chase: his new shoe line being launched this spring.

We’ve been hearing and reading all about the recession, and shopaholics have justifiably felt more than just a twinge of guilt pulling out that plastic card. But regardless of our current financial struggles there are some things that come into ones life that are just too good to pass up, recession or not. So it may mean skipping out on an appetizer, an extra bottle of wine or doing your own weekly manicures, but it will all be worth it to own a pair of these new must-have Alexander Wang platforms.

Truly “exclusive” with only 5 styles and a limited quantity being launched, there are already waiting lists at stores for customers who are in the know. With a sea of girly gladiator sandals being offered up from everyone, these platforms personify what we’re truly feeling: dark, edgy and just a bit restless for change. Timed to perfection, the shoes will be in-store just in time for New York Fashion Week where everyone is out to see and be seen. Is the $575 price tag making guilt rear its ugly head? Well, there’s no judgment here. 

Signing Bonus!

Does your company pay for prostitutes?

Seems like benefits packages for some Wall Street folks have gotten pretty generous. 

A NYC madam may reveal on ABC News a list of her clients that reportedly includes names of prominent Wall Street power players: CEO's, investment bankers, attorneys, media executives, etc. Everyone knows—thanks to Eliot Spitzer—that these days, you can pay for $2000 an hour prostitutes with a credit card. Some of these enterprising jackoffs, however, went a bit further and put the charges on their corporate cards—with nary a peep from their accounting departments.

Don't these dummies know that a credit card purchase produces the ultimate paper trail? Has no one learned anything from Mr. Spitzer's woes? Guess it's worth the risk of exposure when the company is happy to front the cost of some good ol' fashion stress relief. After all, how else are you going to retain top talent?

While the madam admits to cooking up creative invoices (a line item of "hooker services" would probably be a red flag), she also kept detailed notes on her clients' preferences.  Some requested certain girls and others had an inkling for multi-person mini-parties.

If the service isn't up to par, will Amex help you dispute the charges?
 

Losing our "App"etite

How many pointless iPhone apps do we need

There's no question the iPhone is a decent piece of technology.  But we're seriously starting to question the absurdity of certain apps.  According to 148apps.com, as of February 2nd, there were 18,942 iPhone apps. Really, people.  Do we need it to be a harmonica, too? Do we really need it to tell me my mood (answer: no, because we're usually pissed off) and calculate a tip for me (answer: no, because one should never be too lazy to do simple math)? And can someone please tell me what is so amazing about that stupid chalk man and why we would want to see him dancing around like a bone-less, cracked-out raver? Or what, pray tell, is so cool about making a phone fart?


Whatever. we get that app-overload may be our issue. I guess it's also our issue that we don't get the Geisha iPhone app. She's a geisha! And she dances just for you! Yeah, she dances just for you. Imagine a horrible version of The Robot crossed with Benjamin Button's glide-step when he was on crutches accompanied by ching-chongy music that will make you seriously contemplate ritual suicide. We know this because we had to buy the damn thing to bag on it and now it's cluttering my phone and, I fear, my life.


But why stop at geishas? Why not have a stripper app? Or better yet, a lap dance app? Why not have the iPhone also be a dildo? It already vibrates, so you're halfway there.

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