You are here
What We Learned From Prince Harry's Naked Las Vegas Holiday
New photos are still emerging of Prince Harry's nude weekend in Las Vegas, and while those photos certainly are an embarrassment to the royal family, they have provided loads of intel regarding how bodyguards protect one of the most famous men in the world.
For instance, we have now learned that:
- Olympic swimmer Ryan Lochte serves as the prince's personal Aquaman whenever his highness takes a dip in the pool. This appears to be a successful tactic, as at no time did Captain Strom or Black Manta attack Prince Harry while he was in the water.
- During strip billiards, security insists that Prince Harry be surrounded with a human shield of fetching young women. These women must also be naked, so that assassins can't distingush the prince's body from those of his nubile protectors.
- The prince is accompanied at all times by a haggard-looking wingman named Skippy whose sole purpose is to be more annoying than the prince, so that if a fight does break out, Skippy is definitely the first one to get punched.
- The prince's personal bodyguards are armed with what appear to be her majesty's most high-tech bathing suits from the 1970s.
- The prince's security team seems to have a protocol in place for every situation, except getting yelled at by the queen mum. Next time they should definitely brigh Ryan Lochte with them when the prince comes home. Maybe he can splash water on the queen while the prince makes a getaway.