'How To Fix What I Broke' by George W. Bush

Have you heard? George W. Bush is back. A few days ago, he gently inserted himself back into the conversation with the shock announcement that he’s writing a book. No, it’s not a coloring book. It’s not a teen vampire romance, either. He’s writing a book on economic growth.

And why not? Under 43’s watch, according to the Economic Policy Institute, “growth in investment, GDP, and employment all posted their worst performance of any post-war expansion,” while “overall monthly job growth was the worst of any cycle since at least February 1945, and household income growth was negative for the first cycle since tracking began in 1967.” What’s more, “between the end of the 2001 recession (2001Q4) and the peak of that expansion (2007Q4), the U.S. economy experienced the worst economic expansion of the post-war era.”

Who better to advise us during an economic downturn than the man who helped create it? Perhaps he’ll follow up with a restaurant guide for New Orleans?

In the wake of this announcement, DAME has heard unconfirmed reports from book industry liars about a whole string of other new titles in the works. It’s going to be a busy summer. 

On Golden Ponzi: The Ethics of Business

, by Bernie Madoff

Release date - 11/14/2139

How To Handle A Woman

, by Chris Brown

If you liked Ike Turner’s Guide To A Happy Marriage, you’re going to love this.

One Shade of Grey

, by Dominique Strauss-Kahn

A series of inappropriate encounters with cleaning ladies. (Late June release).

With Friends ‘Like’ These

, by Mark Zuckerberg

Zuckerberg reveals the hidden side of his relationship with Priscilla Chan. Includes algorithms for a successful marriage and an app for making babies.

The Quiet Life

, by Teresa Giudice

The category 5 from Real Housewives of New Jersey on how to live in peace and harmony with nature and your fellow human beings.

Double Rainbow: Going All the Way

, by Joe Biden

An orgasmic retelling of VP Biden’s emotional awakening on the gay issue. President Obama chimes in with a brief afterword.

The Bear Bares All

, by Vladimir Putin

Putin’s dramatic biography reads like “a spy novel mixed with a Playgirl calendar shoot” (New York Times). Heroic exploits include choking a grizzly bear, and carving a sculpture of himself with his penis.

Just Give Me 15 Minutes More

, by Kim Kardashian

The spotlight you never deserved is dimming, so now what? Look no further.

Diary of the Tin Man

, by Dick Cheney

In this riveting tale of a man with no heart, the former Veep mixes fiction and memoir.

Oh, You're Doing Just GREAT, Barack

, by Hillary Clinton

A book written entirely through clenched teeth.

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